Posts Tagged: children in divorce

Extraordinary, emotional poems about children’s experience of divorce

Amongst todays contributions to Family Mediation Week are these two poems, written by young people who are involved with Kids in the Middle.  Although they don’t fit the theme of the day they are so powerful they absolutely need to be read and absorbed.  They are a stark reminder of the impact family breakdown can have on children and young people….

“It all fell apart, when I came along”

Written by Kay, aged 15

When I came along,
it was
almost as if I was a spectator to my own life
almost as if I was never the child
almost as if I was nothing more than a product of a poisoned contract.

Because that’s all it ever was. A piece of paper.
No love to warm their hearts in the ices of winter.
No trust to carry them through the stormy seas.
Nothing.

Or so I thought.

Turns out they were happy.
Turns out they smiled.
And held hands.
And kissed.

Then I came along.

The stars in her eyes had died away,
The smile lines etched on his face turned to frown marks engraved into his increasing pallor.
Their faces grew as grey as their hair.

“It’s not your fault” I must’ve heard a million times more than any kid should.
“They’d been drifting apart for so long now”

But how long, how? Perhaps 15 years?

Because from where I’m standing, from the second I was concieved to the last second that I breathe it will be my fault.

It was always shit for them,
Its more shit for me,
I’m not strong,
Not anymore,
Cant you see?

It all fell apart

When I came along.

“What’s it like?”

Written by Jeremy, aged 16

Whats a story,
Without a dilemma?
What’s a family,
Without a father?
What’s it like,
Getting a full nights rest?
What’s it like,
Living with both parents?
What’s it like,
Being happy?
What’s it like,
Telling a friend?
What’s it like,
Having a reason to wake?
What’s it like,
Being able to concentrate?
What’s it like,
Feeling ‘normal’?
What’s it like,
Without cuts on your wrists?
I would tell you,
What it’s like,
But I just don’t know

 

Sophie, 16, explains why it’s so important that children are able to talk about how they are feeling when their parents divorce

More from yesterday’s Family Mediation Week contributions:

“Talk to your parents individually and explain how you’re feeling.”

Written by Sophie aged 16

 My parents divorced when I was 3 years old. Some would say that being a young child unaware of what is going on around you can help with the emotional side of a divorce, however I believe that it can be just as hard no matter what age you are when the divorce occurs.

As a child I often felt anger that I was the child amongst my friends who didn’t spend time with both of their parents, as I lived with my mum and spent little time with my dad and his new wife and children. His new relationship caused a lot of problems between my mum and him, which meant that it put me in a difficult position as a young child – I felt like I was torn in the middle as I didn’t want to take ones side over another.

Parents may often unknowingly make you feel pressurised to take their side when trouble occurs but a way of coping with this is to try and explain that you love them both and want to be kept out of their issues. As adults, they shouldn’t bring you into arguments as this isn’t good for you mentally, it can cause distress and anxiety.

Don’t bottle it up if you feel like you are in this situation. Talk to your parents individually and explain how you’re feeling. I now have no involvement in any discussion between my divorced parents and I feel a lot more relaxed and comfortable to contact and see either of them without feeling like I’m betraying one.

www.voicesinthemiddle.org.uk

Children’s Voices: New blog posts

Children in divorceIn support of Family Mediation week, today Duncan Fisher from Kids in the Middle blogs about their work and contextualises it in relation to the Voice of the Child report and the government response to it.  Read his blog here.

Ruth Smallacombe, a family mediator, also writes about her experiences mediating in child cases, meeting children and young adults as part of that process and gives some helpful ideas about what parents can do.  Read her blog here.

Rachel’s Poem Video: Divorce from the perspective of an 11-year old girl

Day 3 of Family Mediation Week focuses on “Childrens Voices.”

Today this wonderful video clip has been released.  It shows child actors reading the words of “Rachel’s Poem.”  The poem was written by an 11-year old girl about her parents divorce and powerfully demonstrates the needs of children to be allowed to love and spend time with both parents after separation/divorce.  It has been filmed in collaboration with Kids in the Middle.